Friday, August 05, 2005

This week is not really good for me... Just last week, I've suffered another heartbreak... I tried to bottle it up inside and it feels really sucky. I dont think my emotions in sch would betray me... Deep inside, its just the broken hearted me. I know I was to blame. For being persistent in her. Friends around me tried to convince me that its not worth it, but do they know how do I feel? I tell u, love is such a great force. For everyting that comes good, it comes bad also. I just got so disillusioned. A couple of days before, I was on the verge of breaking down, after a gruelling wait for my turn for History memory work. She wouldn't speak to me, this i understand. The feeling of being caught between a girl who dont loves u and another guy who tries to intimidate u is unbearable. Nobody would understand how I felt, they just think that I'm doing something naive and stupid. I know love is cannot be forced. If she doesnt like me, I would just have to let go. Letting go. This sounds so easy but is SO hard to do. I tried to do it many many times. BUT I cant! One party suffering is better than both. Love is about making the the one u loved feel happy. I heard umpteen times of this. Maybe its my endless search for love that led me into this abyss. Dont blame me. When i look at other couples, I'm so envious. They'r just so lucky, to be able to be with the ones they loved. Even it wouldn't last, at least they have wonderful memories together. Whereas for me, I know i'm always the underdog. I dont possess good looks, neither any talents. But is love really about all this? Fate is cruel. It plays around with people. Perhaps I'm too immatured to talk about love. I'm not even sixteen. For those who is able to be with the guy or gal u loved, please cherish them. I guess the love knot is never going to be untied in my heart. It hurts me terribly sometimes. On these occassions, I would think of Him, He gives me the strength i need. I'm also comforted by the fact that we are all under His Love and Care. Now, all i want is to stay focussed for the upcoming prelims and Os. Thats all i can do to salvage my secondary school stay. Today was a big blow to me... 10 marks for SBQ. Probably the result of complacency. I want to strive and work hard. I'm not a good for nothing. Believe in me. Believe that i can do it. Believe in urselfs. Tmr I'm going to the Festival of Praise at the indoor stadium with some of e4's peeps. I'm pretty excited about the event. Its a good time to relax haha... Gonna do some maths there too. Cya! God Bless U.

Andy Chong blogged @ 10:26 pm